Behold Ruth.

I want to dedicate this blog to my very good friend, Ruth. I could say a lot about this gal...but I'll stick to the main reason for posting this. I just finished editing some pregnancy photos I took of her recently and so I've been staring at her face for hours it seems. And I'm not tired of it! I gotta say, 8 out of 10 photos turned out great because she is so dang beautiful. I don't know if it's the glow of new motherhood or that gorgeous red hair. I hardly had to do a thing in Photoshop to improve these. In fact I decided to play it up a little and be more extreme with the colors and lighting. Otherwise I would have been bored trying to find ways to make these shots look better.

The crazy thing is that my camera is nothing spectacular (although I love it like a pet). It's an Olympus SP-550 UZ and it takes two seconds for the poor thing to focus and snap the shot. But since I am a slow, patient photographer as it is, I don't always mind this (unless I'm trying to take pictures of an almost-2-year-old in low lighting...).

Okay, I'm done with the technicalities. I want to show you some Ruth.

To see more photos and other versions of these go here.

I had more fun that day than I've had in awhile. I loved spending the entire day with Layne and Ruth. Their home is so comfortable and relaxing and we always enjoy just being around them. Since Shane and I are still sort of new to Spokane and not very extroverted, we don't have many friends in the area. But Layne and Ruth are by far our closest friends here. Because of them we had a place to stay before we found a home in Spokane. We found a great church to call home and made even more friends. We don't feel so alone in a "big city" full of strangers and acquaintances. We've cried together, rolled in laughter together and sat in content boredom together. It's a forever kind of friendship I'd say.

To top this great Saturday off, they invited us to stay for a dinner they were making for a Bhutanese family. Layne and Ruth volunteer for Global Neighborhood which is a non-profit that helps refugee families settle safely and comfortably in Spokane. There are a lot of refugees in the area from Bhutan, and this family in particular spent 15 years in Nepal in a refugee camp. We had such a great time getting to know them. Their kids were great entertainment for Oliver (or vice versa) and the food was so good I had big seconds (thanks Ruth!). Shane and I long to immerse ourselves in other cultures. The only way I have experienced this is with people who have immigrated from other countries. But Shane has been overseas several times and is formally educated on relating/understanding other cultures. I love to see him so in his element and long to enjoy more of the world with him. The good news is that in less than two weeks we will be traveling to Indonesia to visit Amanda, Shane's sister! My first trip overseas. I am so, so excited and can't wait to take pictures of that colorful culture!

Well, I got sidetracked a little. But I just want to say one last thing. Ruth, thank you for welcoming Shane, Oliver and I into your life. You are a treasure on this earth to more than just us. I cannot wait for your little boy to finally make an appearance. I want to cuddle with him like you did with Oliver in our cozy little cabin in Idaho. So many memories ahead!

Okay, one more!

Little Oli.

Oliver.

I like how the tops of your ears slightly stick out. Like mine.
I like how your eyes look amazing when you wear blue.
I can't help but give in when you take my hand and drag me to wherever you want to play.
All I want to do is make you happy and I fight the urge when I know the best thing for you only brings disappointment.
Every little tear of yours pulls me apart inside.
Every giggle makes me feel like a queen and reassures me we're doing okay.
Somehow you hold my entire vault of emotions in the palm of your small hand.
You make me feel completely strong and able, yet completely vulnerable and incapable.
I anticipate and fear your future.
I yearn for your affection, but want more than anything for you to share it with others.
I love the mystery and the contradiction life reveals as I learn to be your mother.

Oliver
originally posted by .hello foto

uGm. A New Mark.

Sometimes I write blogs but never post them because I'm not sure I want the world to know exactly what I'm going through. It helps to write out feelings and thoughts and then put them away until later when you can look back on the circumstance and be thankful it passed and life has moved on. Well, I just received a phone call that reminded me of an old blog I never posted. I'll share the entry first and then the good news I just received.

May 12, 2009

I suppose there’s somewhat of a frustration gurgling inside me. I’m brainstorming constantly. I keep waking up in the night with crappy logo ideas and then mentally kicking myself before falling asleep again. I just bought and read through Jeff Fisher’s book Identity Crisis and I learned a lot. But I found a few of the redesigned identities featured to be boring and unoriginal. So, shouldn’t I be able to come up with something not boring and unoriginal if I’m able to identify the ones that are?? But I can’t! All my pages of sketches and hours of creative brainstorming have left me feeling like I’m not very creative and I’m cheesy and boring. So maybe I should just create something that’s expected. Why does it have to be way amazing and completely new and exciting anyway?? Maybe I set a standard for myself that’s too high. A standard I am incapable of meeting.

And the fact that my boss wants to see my progress and be in on what’s going on in my head makes me nervous and frustrated as ever. Because if I were to show him my sketchbook right now or even try to explain my ideas I don’t think I could explain them at all. In fact…I don’t think I even have any ideas! My thoughts are not organized enough to even begin to lay them out for someone. So the whole organization has put their trust in me to create a visual identity. And if you think of how huge of a responsibility that is…particularly for a place that is doing such an amazing work in their community, then maybe you can imagine how heavy my shoulders feel right now.

Ok…simultaneously I am completely aware that God is in this and He is ultimately the One we are putting trust in for our identity. He is the one who gives me creativity, so it is not myself and my own mind I should be leaning on. So, I know this…and I know he has called me to this place and has His hand on me. But how do I keep working and sketching and moving forward with the creative crap I keep producing??? I can design a flyer, a poster, a brochure, a newsletter. But a logo is sooo completely different and encompasses a lot more than just one area or focus of the organization. How can you put everything about UGM into one small mark? I’ve done so much research and so much reading, interviewing, thinking, thinking, thinking. And I’m just waiting for that amazing revelation? Is that ridiculous or what? Persevere.

Back to present time

Well, I did persevere...and I came up with a brand new logo and identity for Union Gospel Mission Spokane. I had that "revelation" in church actually...right after I asked the church to pray for this process I was going through. I doodled on the bulletin because it was impossible to turn off my brainstorming process at that point. It was too easy. But brilliant. And the more I stared at it the more it made sense. The more it told the bigger story of UGM. Well, I've come a long way in a few short months and it has been frustrating to get this logo out there and we're trying to apply this new look to every little detail on the small donation-based income of UGM.

Well, the good news that I received happend to be that a generous investor is donating a large sum specifically toward UGM's rebranding process. Praise God, He is so faithful. We don't have to settle now for the cheapest quality of everything. We're going to put our new look out there and show our best face. Spokane will not be able to ignore the work we do for the poor and homeless.

Lord, make this logo shine. Thank You for always doing great things here and letting me be a part of it all.

Shane just called me and told me his mom was coming over tonight to stay...maybe for a couple days? I said okay cool, thanks for telling me, I'm busy, gotta go. Then as I hurried to my next task I realized I felt very light-hearted and my mood was instantly better than 2 minutes prior. I was momentarily confused until I realized that I was genuinely excited to see my mother-in-law. WOW, that's a cool realization actually seeing that a lot of women have relationship struggles with their mother-in-law. I'm not saying it's any easy relationship to build for me. But I am SO thankful that I can look forward to seeing her and I don't stress about the way my house looks or how I should act or what food I should have in the fridge. And as I write this I realize how similarly I am thankful for the peace and rest I have with my parents (see my previous post). But it is definitely unexpected to have that with Shane's mother, Karen.

Things I love about Karen:

She is uninhibited about her love for horses and spends HOURS looking at them online.
She fights for what she believes, but allows room for others to speak their hearts.
She almost always insists on buying ice cream or cake or brownies when she visits.
She loves to stock our fridge even when she's as financially tight as we are.
Um, she bought us plane tickets to Indonesia. Not a tiny thing.
She respects our rules and guidelines for raising Oliver.
She completely desires more than anything for her kids to experience life to the fullest and will sacrifice all in order that they do.
Whatever it is....she takes it like a man.

I could go on about this. But I'm just happy that I get to see her today and watch her enjoy Oliver...because I know that's her main reason for visiting and she'll want some special time with him. And since I'm leaving tomorrow for a 2 day Staff Retreat with my work (my first night away from Oliver I believe!) then I'm sure she'll have plenty of special time.

Love ya Mom #2!

anxious to share with you

I'm in full blown preparation for the first visit from my parents in the Northwest. They should be here by Tuesday, hopefully morning. I really can't describe how excited and anxious I am. I've never had my parents stay the night in MY house. I've never even cooked them a meal! This is their first witness of my role as mother and wife on my own turf. I am so thankful to have laid back parents who rarely have any expectations and take life as it comes. My mother was an excellent stay-at-home mom and kept up with house very well. So I should be nervous about the upkeep of my stuffed-with-messy-boys house. Because I really want my parents to be pleased with where I'm at in life. And if they were any other way I would be nervous. But I know that all they'll see when they walk in the door is their 20-month-old grandson.

































Speaking of Oliver...a good way of describing what he's like these days: Where I am, there will he be also. At least when I'm not at work. Whether I'm doing laundry, on the computer, doing pilates, unloading the dishwasher, watching a movie or taking the trash out...he somehow wiggles his way right in the middle of it all. I love and sometimes not-so-love his complete attachment to me. So, all the housecleaning before Tuesday better start now if I ever hope to accomplish it. Which is why I'm online uploading photos to Facebook, listening to Pandora, and browsing friends. I mean, who actually starts cleaning 3 days before company? Really.

super me. little me.

I’m forcing myself to take 10 minute breaks, late morning and early afternoon, instead of just truckin’ through the day with just a 30 minute lunch to keep me going. Hopefully I can use this time to get my head out of my work world and maybe update this blog????

Well, I thought I’d at least say one thing. Yesterday I felt like a super woman. Super mom, super wife, super employee. The last 2 weeks (probably longer than that) I’ve been so drained with work and as a result a complaining/nagging wife and a boring/unplayful mom. Well yesterday I finally printed a rough draft of a HUGE project (that will change EVERYTHING as UGM knows itself), so I think that’s why I was able to be so super. After only 5 hours of sleep, I went to work for 6 hours, came hope, went on a much needed shopping trip with my boys, left Shane on the couch with a headache that he suffered since morning, made spaghetti and fresh salad for dinner, played with Oliver inside and outside the house, did some laundry, took out the trash, had coffee with Jonathan, tucked Oliver in, and even stayed up to spend some quality time with Shane. All this with joy and enthusiasm and an attitude of thankfulness. HOW ON EARTH DID THAT HAPPEN???

Is there a magic button so I can be like this anytime I want to? Don't you wish.

Honestly…the Lord is my strength. There is no way every I can be like that when I want to be. In fact, usually when I put the pressure on myself to be like that…it gets ugly. God, thank you for pulling me through and helping me fit so many roles and a support so many people. It’s enough to have a family of my own who needs me….but to think of all the people that are depending on my skills at work. All the homeless…all the employees...the community. God, it’s you. YOU make this happen, and you’re always using me SOMEHOW to better lives of others and this world. Measly, complainy, tired little me. Thank you.

A belated Mother's Day post

I have such a brave, affectionate, imaginitive, strange boy.

It kills me (in a good way) when he does the following:

Finds something that looks somewhat like a cell phone (remote, small alarm clock, computer mouse) and talks on it while walking around the house.

Falls down in the most awkward position, scrapes his knee, and gets back up and starts running again without even a whimper.

Shuts himself in a room and pounds on the door yelling "Dad. Daaad. DAAAD."

Puts his arms around my neck and kisses me right on the mouth. (The best Mother's Day gift ever!)

Does that little bounce and head nod when a song with a nice beat comes on.

Says "no." very seriously and clearly when he really means yes. (he hasn't learned "yes" yet so "no" is the answer for everything.

When he tries on my high heels, or carries around a purse, or puts on one of my bracelets. I can't help but crack up. I love that he wants to mimic me. And yes, he does try on Shane's shoes too...but Shane doesn't have all the fun accessories.

When he gets in trouble for disobeying mom or dad and runs up to cling to our legs repenting in tears and indistinguishable words of apology. (which is a lot different than the typical response of anger and tantrums)

All this to say I couldn't be more proud of the amazing piece of life that grew inside me and is doing his best to grow up and change the world.