super me. little me.

I’m forcing myself to take 10 minute breaks, late morning and early afternoon, instead of just truckin’ through the day with just a 30 minute lunch to keep me going. Hopefully I can use this time to get my head out of my work world and maybe update this blog????

Well, I thought I’d at least say one thing. Yesterday I felt like a super woman. Super mom, super wife, super employee. The last 2 weeks (probably longer than that) I’ve been so drained with work and as a result a complaining/nagging wife and a boring/unplayful mom. Well yesterday I finally printed a rough draft of a HUGE project (that will change EVERYTHING as UGM knows itself), so I think that’s why I was able to be so super. After only 5 hours of sleep, I went to work for 6 hours, came hope, went on a much needed shopping trip with my boys, left Shane on the couch with a headache that he suffered since morning, made spaghetti and fresh salad for dinner, played with Oliver inside and outside the house, did some laundry, took out the trash, had coffee with Jonathan, tucked Oliver in, and even stayed up to spend some quality time with Shane. All this with joy and enthusiasm and an attitude of thankfulness. HOW ON EARTH DID THAT HAPPEN???

Is there a magic button so I can be like this anytime I want to? Don't you wish.

Honestly…the Lord is my strength. There is no way every I can be like that when I want to be. In fact, usually when I put the pressure on myself to be like that…it gets ugly. God, thank you for pulling me through and helping me fit so many roles and a support so many people. It’s enough to have a family of my own who needs me….but to think of all the people that are depending on my skills at work. All the homeless…all the employees...the community. God, it’s you. YOU make this happen, and you’re always using me SOMEHOW to better lives of others and this world. Measly, complainy, tired little me. Thank you.

A belated Mother's Day post

I have such a brave, affectionate, imaginitive, strange boy.

It kills me (in a good way) when he does the following:

Finds something that looks somewhat like a cell phone (remote, small alarm clock, computer mouse) and talks on it while walking around the house.

Falls down in the most awkward position, scrapes his knee, and gets back up and starts running again without even a whimper.

Shuts himself in a room and pounds on the door yelling "Dad. Daaad. DAAAD."

Puts his arms around my neck and kisses me right on the mouth. (The best Mother's Day gift ever!)

Does that little bounce and head nod when a song with a nice beat comes on.

Says "no." very seriously and clearly when he really means yes. (he hasn't learned "yes" yet so "no" is the answer for everything.

When he tries on my high heels, or carries around a purse, or puts on one of my bracelets. I can't help but crack up. I love that he wants to mimic me. And yes, he does try on Shane's shoes too...but Shane doesn't have all the fun accessories.

When he gets in trouble for disobeying mom or dad and runs up to cling to our legs repenting in tears and indistinguishable words of apology. (which is a lot different than the typical response of anger and tantrums)

All this to say I couldn't be more proud of the amazing piece of life that grew inside me and is doing his best to grow up and change the world.

Role Reversal

It sure is different being a career mom and giving Shane the responsibility of the stay-at-home parent. But I really like it. I keep saying this, but I feel so in my element. I feel like I'm flourishing as a person now. I honestly don't seem as drained and frustrated as when I was home every day with Oliver. I loved it...but it was such a challenge for me, and I really learned a lot. Hopefully I'll be somewhat more prepared for the next kid. But I keep hearing that since every kid is so different there's no way to prepare and be ready for it.

Oliver is adjusting really well too. In fact, he's always been able to adapt to his surroundings rather easily. When I say goodbye he just smiles and watches me go. When I see him after work (Shane brings him to my office while I finish things up), he acts like it's all so normal. But he is a lot more cuddly that time of day. :)

Shane seems to really enjoy focusing so much time on Oliver. He's motivated to teach him and discipline him. I think he's realizing how much work it really is though. And that taking care of a kid and keeping house does not leave time for much else. Perhaps remodeling a home will not be as easy as we thought...it will probably be a longer process (which might be better anyway to sit on a house right now while the market is in this state).

All in all, we're really feeling good about the role-changes. Shane is so supportive of my work and says he can't believe how perfect it is for me...for us. We're moving into a small apartment this weekend that will buy us some time before we decide on a home to purchase. There are a lot of changes still ahead...and we're ready.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Started my new full-time job at Union Gospel Mission this week. (and LOVING it)

Shane is a new full-time Dad.

Looking to buy a house for Shane to remodel. (currently staying with friends)

Celebrated Oliver's first birthday on Christmas Eve.

Celebrated Christmas with Shane's family and made my first homemade clam chowder.

Enduring Spokane's record snowfall. (Over 60 inches in December!)

Weaning Oliver. (only nursing at night now)

Trying to pretend I don't mind the whiney stage Oliver is going through. (is it a stage...?)

Feeling like time is completely flying right now and I can't possibly keep track of anything.

Totally did not celebrate the New Year...seemed boring this year. (fell asleep at 11:45, woke up at midnight to the neighbors' fireworks, gave Shane a kiss and fell back asleep.)

Kicking myself every day I forget to send out our Christmas cards. (yeah, I still haven't mailed them...they're stamped and in my purse and I keep forgetting they're there!)

Happy New Year. I still love you all even though I'm too busy right now to talk much to anyone.

Illinois, night time stress and emotionally amazing

So much for regularly updating this thing. Well, it has been a busy month. We spent two weeks in October in Illinois visiting all my family. It was the first time Oliver met them. You see, Illinois is like a vacuum and it sucks people in to where they rarely or never leave. Only few escape. So my family has yet to see where we live in the Northwest. And that’s why they had never met Oliver. It was a very precious 2 weeks though. I felt like a piece of my puzzle finally fit. The family knows how wonderful he really is.

He’s walking now, for those who don’t know. And running. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. He just now found me hiding in this dark room with the computer and is begging for my attention in just his diaper and a big grin. So this may or may not get posted tonight. I love to watch him toddle around. Now he’s on my lap captivated by the glow of the screen.

I’d say that motherhood is not necessarily less demanding these days...although Oliver easily entertains himself. The hardest part right now is night time. He’s waking up several times crying and since I’m weaning him from nursing at night, it makes it even more stressful. Last night he woke up about 5 or 6 times. But it could be that his 3 tooth (top left) is poking through. Poor guy. (....poor me!)

I think it’s amazing how close we’ve become. Although he is not as physically dependent as a newborn...he needs me emotionally right now. And that makes me feel AWESOME. In fact, I’m probably a lot more capable of meeting someone’s emotional needs than I am with the physical. I just feel like I’m likely to make a lot more mistakes....like not feed him enough, or teach him the wrong disciplines and methods of sleeping or socializing. But I’m totally amazing at being the one who understands or encourages or empathizes. You probably wouldn’t want to be stuck on a deserted island with someone like me. Unlesss, of course, you would rather talk than eat or survive. Then pick me. But I am a good helper. If you know what to do on the island to survive...I would do anything to back you up and keep you going. Haha....anywaaaayy. Way off subject.

the latest

Oliver's poop REALLY stinks now. Not that sweet, yellow, smells-like-cheerios stuff anymore. Solid foods change everything.

When I point at something, he no longer looks at my finger but in the direction it's pointing. Smart kid.

His pincer skills are in full effect (this is a little late news). He can pick up Cheerios and pebbles. He even tries to pick off my moles, until he realizes they're attached.

He went to the Nursery during church for the first time last week. Although he's extremely attached to me these days, he's easily distracted and entertained by toys and other people (especially other kids).

I've stopped being bothered by the common opinion that it's bad to nurse your baby to sleep. This has worked so well for Oliver and I for a long time now, and to keep hearing people say that it will be a hard habit to break, and I should start teaching him to go to sleep on his own now was really stressing me out for awhile. But I read an article yesterday that really encouraged me. I was reassured that babies DO learn to fall asleep on their own...just in their own time, when they are ready. It's not something that has to be trained or forced. So, this is where I stand on that for now.

I pureed vegetables and fruit myself this week instead of spending money on Gerber foods, which was tempting and convenient at first. But 30 minutes of my day spent boiling vegetables and using the blender and I have Oliver-meals to last the rest of the week!



Oliver mimics everything now. He copies sounds, faces, and mostly actions. We taught him to clap last week. And he points to the pages in book like I do when I read him stories. He has also learned how fun hide-and-seek is. I run away and hide and he laughs and crawls to come find me. So smart!




And my most common predicament these days is Oliver's constant need to be by mommy (although it's very endearing at times). So he HATES it when I put him in his playpen or blocked off room so I can get something done....or go to the bathroom for goodness sakes!

Little Boy Blue

Yesterday I noticed how Oliver looks more like a little boy than ever before. He’s losing his babyness. I can’t even point out the things that make him more like a little boy now. Maybe it’s all that gorgeous sandy blonde hair coming in. Maybe it’s because he knows how to get into his own little world and play with his toys and use his imagination. Maybe it’s because he’s sounding like a little boy with all his new words. Even if those words are just “Durhd. Balaaa baa dur dur. Attah ruhcccc. Maaaaaa.” He’s communicating, and it’s adorable. A lot of people told me to enjoy him while he’s a newborn because they grow up so quickly. I did enjoy him. But today as we watched some of the videos from when he was a newborn I realized how much fun he is NOW. He’s so interactive and affectionate as opposed to helpless and inanimate. I love watching his personality unfold. He is so unique! And lately people have been telling me, “It only gets better.” And that’s a lot more encouraging than “Enjoy it while you can.”