Brudder.

Happy 23rd Birthday, Evan! Wish we could hang out all the time and get to know each other all over again. So much has happened since I left for college, got married, moved to Washington, launched a career, had some babies. Who are you now? What are your passions? What are you learning? I miss you, Evan. You mean so much to me and I'm horrible at saying so. I'm horrible at actually showing it. I'm so proud of you. You learned and exceeded in music faster than I ever could. At about the time you were in high school I noticed how naturally you lead others just by being true to who you are. I love how you honestly pursue God and seek truth. And something I think everyone sees and appreciates is that you love and are affectionate without reservation. I  may not know entirely who you are these days, but these things I do know.

There is No Meantime

It’s the 8-month mark for Benjamin! Can you believe it? Life is drastically changing since he has started crawling. We’re finally getting that sense of, “Wow, this is way different than having just one,” that everyone warned us about. Poor Shane has basically given up on house chores. So, don’t be offended if we don’t invite you over for the next 6 months or so. Benjamin is desperately wanting to walk and we’re wondering if he’ll be ready for his first steps in the next couple of months. He pulls himself up with one hand now and tests himself by letting go. But his upper body is just too big for his chubby legs to hold, I think.

Oliver grew a few inches I think. And he learned to hit a baseball (plastic) without the tee this month. We’ve found that he does better when he’s not under pressure. He has terrific natural instincts and is very physically capable…except when everyone is watching him or you ask him to do it. Then he buckles and suddenly can’t perform. Shane says he was/is the same way. It’s wonderful to realize more about yourself by watching your kid. It sure helps you know how to respond and encourage them the right way. I love how humble Oliver is, and if he doesn’t want to perform he doesn’t have to. I don't blame him. I just hope he gains more confidence in himself and realizes he is gifted and has much to offer the world.

I feel like a lot has happened in one month. I started to write in my journal every Saturday to recap the week, because I think there are some important events in life I too soon forget. Every week is so different and it’s neat to see how life progresses in small events.

This week was especially intense. Our friend, Emad, from church is a refugee from Iraq and has lived in the U.S. for a couple years now. He gave a young man a ride home from a 7-Eleven on Monday. When he stopped the car the guy attacked Emad with an iron bar and hit him over the head several times. Emad got out of the car and the guy ran after him hitting him some more until onlookers scared him away. He was able to give a report of the incident but then later lost his memory.  It was strange visiting him in the hospital and he not recognize us. He didn’t even remember his own son who is Oliver’s age. Thankfully the blows did not break his skull and he’s slowly starting to remember some things. Please say a prayer for him. He has been through a lot as it is since coming to the States.

 Our friend, Amy, got hit and run over by a truck at a crosswalk downtown on Tuesday. I believe she is still in the hospital, but amazingly did not have any broken bones or internal bleeding. She is in a lot of pain and her wounds and the trauma will take months to heal. She has come so far in recovery in the past few days. Everyone is amazed by her strength and heart through all of this.

The strange thing is that Emad and Amy are friends. Amy and her husband, Brent, started the non-profit in Spokane that helps refugees called Global Neighborhood. It’s so strange to have two friends go through completely different traumatic events in two days time.

(Brent and Emad)

My problems seem so small that’s it’s ridiculous to even mention that I’m burnt out from work and freelancing and being a mom and wife. I am completely exhausted. I really want to help Shane clean the house this weekend...but not really. Today we’re going to check out this house we’re interested in that’s about 40 minutes away (are we crazy?). Then we might do more thrift store shopping (I wish Global Neighborhood Thrift was open!). Then we have a house-warming party this afternoon for some friends. I think we’re skipping church tomorrow to have a day of no activity and rest. We considered a trip to Shane’s home for his dad’s birthday, but that would probably just exhaust us more.

I wish I had more time to blog because there are some fun things I’d like to share and wish I could write more than just updates like this. But life is intense these days and I don’t feel like sharing frivolous things when life isn’t frivolous. It’s amazing and changing and hard.

Benjamin is 7 months. Oliver is taller.

Benjamin's physical and mental growth was significant this month. He's really starting to become his own person. Not only did he learn to scoot around on his belly (he's trying so hard to get his legs under him so he can crawl!), but he's learning to eat solids as well (that crazy tongue gets in the way sometimes). One significant change is that when I leave for work he cries and when I come home he gets so excited and yells and reaches for me. That feels amazing. He missed me! He has been sleeping in our bed a lot at night which I actually love sinse I'm away from him during the day. A couple days ago he learned that he can make a new noise. This might be hard to explain...He moves his arm up and down over his mouth while he yells so he makes a Native American war call sound. Haha. We started doing it to him first because he yells so much and he seemed to like it. And now he can do it by himself! Isn't it funny how the small things are easy to get excited about with babies? It's an amazing process to watch them learn and try new things.

One thing we always have to be on our toes about now is keeping small objects and paper out of his way since he is officially mobile. He manages to get hold of pieces of paper and completely shred them. He's like a puppy. He drools all over everything, chews on stuff, is really noisy, gets excited when you walk in the door and prefers to sleep in your bed as opposed to his own. :) But what puppy can make an Indian war call, right??

I'm not sure you can count "Dada" as a first word when he's been saying it for a couple months now. It's more like "D" was his first consonant he mastered. I'm working on "Mama." He mostly yells. And makes that "pbpbpbpbpbpbpbpb" sound with his lips. It's cutest when you catch him talking quietly to himself while he's playing. I wonder what he's pretending. :)

Oliver is changing as well. He's growing so tall that we had to dish out for some new clothes this month. Both grandmas helped out in this department not knowing it was the perfect time! Oliver is a very serious young man and his feelings get hurt pretty easily. It's a hard balance to be firm with a child during a melt down but still express understanding and show grace because he's still so little. He deeply loves Benjamin and makes him laugh easily by jumping on the bed and running crazy around the house. You can tell Benjamin wants to run and jump with him when he gets so excited and squeals. They'll be a cute pair when Ben finds his legs. Oliver sometimes has a hard time sharing toys. He doesn't like all the drool I think. He has learned he is no longer the center of attention and handles it like a big boy.  I hate having to say, "I'm sorry I can't play, I'm feeding Benjamin. But I will play when I'm done." I so want him to know that I love being with him and he is just as important. I suppose sharing and sacrifice is a good lesson for all children to learn at an early age. It's just extra hard to tell what's going on in Oliver's head because he doesn't often express it.

Oliver, our introverted, intellectual, grown-up little boy.
Benjamin, our loud, social, ball of energy and giggles.
They're meant to be together.

Short story: Oliver has been playing with my French phrase and dictionary pocketbook a lot. He opened it up the other day (upside-down) and said,

"I'll read you a story.
God died.
Then God is alive!
Then God went into the water with the fish and the whales and the sharks!
The end."

Well, that's a new angle of the Easter story if I've ever heard one!

Benjamin - 6 months

I have a 6 month old. Half a year old, Benjamin! He's a chunky little boy with plenty of personality to share. I'm so glad he's a whole different kind of person than Oliver. It makes it interesting to do this whole baby thing again but have completely different results. I love Oliver's shy, quiet, observant and calm way. He's like a pleasant bowl of warm soup on a chilly day. Benjamin is a little more spicey. He's like a flavorful grilled shish kabob. Funny way to talk about my children I suppose. Hehe. Benjamin is our little extrovert and fully engages with people, books, artwork, photographs, the outdoors, toys, you name it. It's very energizing to say the least. And sometimes quite exhausting.

New tricks:

• He's sitting up on his own now. Sort of. It's dangerous to leave him on his own because when he does fall over he can't catch himself. Ouch.
• He says Dadadadadadadada a lot and is learning lots of new vowels and consonants.
• He grabs for the bottle and freaks out in desperation when he sees one.
• He's not that interested in eating solids right now (except for a juicy plum Oliver decided to share with him the other day). But he's gaining plenty of rolls with just breast milk. He does watch us eat and drink with intense interest.
• He's scooting around a bit on his tummy.
• He is finally starting to show an interest in walking. When you hold his hands he takes steps. Oliver did that from about 3 months old but Benjamin is just now starting to try it.
• He sticks out his unusually long tongue. All. The. Time.

What a boy. He's so hilarious. We love you, Benjamin. 

Not That I Have Time to Read...

I want to win this book.
That's why I'm posting this video:

What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.

Art in the Raw

Inspired by some new Christmas gifts I'm making an effort to nurture my relationship with art. I started with a new pen and ink set and a scrap piece of paper. I did a quick drawing of my old friend, Spiderman, from memory. He has a few quirks and strange anatomical mishaps, but it was fun to draw him again. He used to be my character of choice in high school and college.

 And my next endeavor will be a revisit to a favorite medium, watercolor.

 And with a little creative fuel, I might muster up something for the walls...or next year Christmas gifts! Thanks, Amanda, for the French press! It's a lot harder to be satisfied with the office's coffee now.

A Decade of Life Change.

Instead of looking past on just the last year, it might be more interesting to reflect all that has taken place in the past decade of my life.

Survived Y2K.
Discovered a love for theatre.
Learned to play guitar.
My older sister got married as I continued to search for the love of my own life.
Graduated high school thinking it was a big event in life and I would be close to my friends forever.
Discovered the thrill of art and design.
Took my first trip by air.
Found out I could sing.
Jumped into two serious relationships (not simultaneously) and broke hearts.
Experienced what it was like to be rejected by the church.
Felt what it was like to fail my parents.
Tasted my first desire for world travel.
Found out I was a sinner too.
Survived the rebel in my soul.
Moved to Arkansas. She needed Wide Open Spaces.  ...and a decent education.
Swore off relationships for at least a couple of years,
Then met the man I wanted to marry and asked him out to ballroom dancing.
Asked the hardest questions about my faith.
Experienced true acceptance and mercy.
Crammed 4 years worth of graphic design education into 2.5 years.
Traveled to and fell in love with the Northwest USA.
Met the Pacific Ocean and Cascade Mountains.
Experienced culture shock for the first time in the Morgan log cabin.
Left the United States for the first time to eat ice cream. 
Convinced the weirdest guy in the world to marry me.
Made the second biggest commitment of my life and gave up my Neumanhood.
Received my BS in Graphic Design.
Moved to the Northwest USA.
Learned to snowboard.
Made new friends with Shane's Whitworth College friends.
Saw the large reality of homelessness in the city.
Made a decision to have a baby.
Almost lost my father-in-law.
Obtained and quit my first design job in 6 months time.
Ran away to the backwoods of Idaho and lived with the moose and wolves.
Developed an appreciation for isolation.
Made friends with lumberjacks.
Welcomed my younger sister's first child and walked in her wedding.
Did my own research, decided to have a natural birth and came out of the experience a new woman.
Fell in love with the sweetest little boy in the WORLD.
Moved back to Spokane taking a big leap from stay-at-home mom to full-time designer.
Became friends with the homeless and grew a passion for helping the poor.
Developed friendships like I've never known before.
Accepted and conquered my first challenge of rebranding a company.
Traveled overseas for the first time to Indonesia and will never be the same.
Said a final goodbye to my last three grandparents in one year.
Experienced the amazing love and community of the church.
Decided with Shane to become a family of four.
Said a final goodbye to Shane's grandpa and played/sang at his military funeral.
Almost lost my father-in-law again.
Found contentment in the city.
Fell in love with the happiest little boy in the WORLD and felt my heart grow larger and fuller than ever.
Celebrated the birth of my sister's second child/first daughter.
Reentered the working world as a mother of two.
Started a new endeavor to learn and experience the spiritual disciplines.
Experienced my first Christmas without being homesick for Illinois.
Almost stayed up until midnight to celebrate the coming of 2011.