A Decade of Life Change.

Instead of looking past on just the last year, it might be more interesting to reflect all that has taken place in the past decade of my life.

Survived Y2K.
Discovered a love for theatre.
Learned to play guitar.
My older sister got married as I continued to search for the love of my own life.
Graduated high school thinking it was a big event in life and I would be close to my friends forever.
Discovered the thrill of art and design.
Took my first trip by air.
Found out I could sing.
Jumped into two serious relationships (not simultaneously) and broke hearts.
Experienced what it was like to be rejected by the church.
Felt what it was like to fail my parents.
Tasted my first desire for world travel.
Found out I was a sinner too.
Survived the rebel in my soul.
Moved to Arkansas. She needed Wide Open Spaces.  ...and a decent education.
Swore off relationships for at least a couple of years,
Then met the man I wanted to marry and asked him out to ballroom dancing.
Asked the hardest questions about my faith.
Experienced true acceptance and mercy.
Crammed 4 years worth of graphic design education into 2.5 years.
Traveled to and fell in love with the Northwest USA.
Met the Pacific Ocean and Cascade Mountains.
Experienced culture shock for the first time in the Morgan log cabin.
Left the United States for the first time to eat ice cream. 
Convinced the weirdest guy in the world to marry me.
Made the second biggest commitment of my life and gave up my Neumanhood.
Received my BS in Graphic Design.
Moved to the Northwest USA.
Learned to snowboard.
Made new friends with Shane's Whitworth College friends.
Saw the large reality of homelessness in the city.
Made a decision to have a baby.
Almost lost my father-in-law.
Obtained and quit my first design job in 6 months time.
Ran away to the backwoods of Idaho and lived with the moose and wolves.
Developed an appreciation for isolation.
Made friends with lumberjacks.
Welcomed my younger sister's first child and walked in her wedding.
Did my own research, decided to have a natural birth and came out of the experience a new woman.
Fell in love with the sweetest little boy in the WORLD.
Moved back to Spokane taking a big leap from stay-at-home mom to full-time designer.
Became friends with the homeless and grew a passion for helping the poor.
Developed friendships like I've never known before.
Accepted and conquered my first challenge of rebranding a company.
Traveled overseas for the first time to Indonesia and will never be the same.
Said a final goodbye to my last three grandparents in one year.
Experienced the amazing love and community of the church.
Decided with Shane to become a family of four.
Said a final goodbye to Shane's grandpa and played/sang at his military funeral.
Almost lost my father-in-law again.
Found contentment in the city.
Fell in love with the happiest little boy in the WORLD and felt my heart grow larger and fuller than ever.
Celebrated the birth of my sister's second child/first daughter.
Reentered the working world as a mother of two.
Started a new endeavor to learn and experience the spiritual disciplines.
Experienced my first Christmas without being homesick for Illinois.
Almost stayed up until midnight to celebrate the coming of 2011.

My 3 year old

Oliver is 3 now. He's so big! And so little.

Three is the age I started to retain memories of life.
My dad says he remembers his kids most when we were two and three.
There's a sweet innocence and an excitement for life and learning.
People say that time flies and your kids are grown before you know it. But I don't exactly feel like these last few years have flown by. Instead I feel like Oliver has always been a part of my life. My life before him is so distant and seems decades ago. The girl I was before him seems so vastly different. My emotions, my motives, my strongest desires have changed.

One thing I realized this past week is that I used to think I knew what intense emotion was. I used to think I knew what it was like to experience love and attachment to its fullest. But I had NO IDEA the intensity of emotion and love I would experience when becoming a parent. It's the kind of intensity you can die from. That's how it feels. It's amazing. And it started with Oliver 3 years ago. My existence will never be the same.

I'm yours forever, Oliver.

Benjamin, 3 months

Benjamin turns 3 months today! He is changing so quickly. Faster than I remember Oliver changing.

He giggles and squeals with laughter at so many things. Especially Daddy. And his mirrored reflection.
He's drooling like crazy. Are teeth coming early? Like, really early?
He's kicking like crazy, strengthening those muscles and pushes against the floor to stand.
He's showing interest in his hands and tries to grab things (hasn't quite mastered that yet).
He is definitely the most social 3 month old I've ever met. He'll smile and coo at almost anyone who looks him in the eye. Even when he's tired and a bit grumpy, he loves personal interaction.
Shane just discovered he likes his head rubbed. He smiles real big and even gives a giggle when we rub his soft little head. So cute!

We are adjusting with my second week back at work. He takes a bottle very well and loves being with Daddy, so it has been an easy transition so far. I keep a picture at my desk and talk with Shane a couple times a day, so I don't feel so far away. I am very happy with how Benjamin is growing and adapting to life in this world. Who would have thought there would be room in our itty bitty home and itty bitty hearts for another person. I never thought I could love someone like I love Oliver. But of course I do. Benjamin brings a whole new kind of life to our home. His energy and delight for life is so refreshing and motivating. He fits perfectly with us.

I needed this.

I needed days of inspiration and relaxation. I've needed it for months.

I took some pictures today of my pieces of inspiration. And Oliver and Benjamin were such good boys that I actually had time to be inspired and chill. Here's to hoping for more days like these, especially before I return to work in two weeks. Cheers!

Woke up to this. All kinds of inspirational flurries!

Coffee. Today with Peppermint Mocha creamer.

These guys. Always inspiring. And stinkin' cute.

Played my Sufjan Stevens (Holiday) Radio all day.

New iMac + CS5 = holy moly i'm excited

Ginger thinspiration! (i can't help myself)

Learning to crochet. Easier than knitting.

My favorite winter accessories. Wore them to the dentist today.

Thanks, Mary, for letting me dive into your books. So far, so fun.

Sleep in any form yields a harvest of inspiration.

Oh my goodness, I can't hardly breathe. Benjamiiiiiin!

Swoon.

Happy 27th to my husband of 4.5 years. He is so special, but gets embarrassed when I publicly dote on him, so I'll restrain myself and just post some pictures of him at different stages in our life together. :) xoxo

At the Idaho ranch.

Seattle. My first trip to Washington when we were just dating.

Newly engaged.

Another ranch photo.

College days.

I barely knew him, but thought he was so dang cute.

At the ranch. The craziest snow ever.

My boyfriend gave himself a mohawk for a night. This was when I first met his brother, Moshe.

2 months old!

Oh, baby Benjamin. You have squeezed yourself into my already full heart. These past two months have flown by but I'm surprised at how normal life feels with you. It's like we've been waiting for you all our lives. Expecting you. I have never seen a 2-month-old as happy as you are. Your smile is infectious. I can't get enough of it! You smile at almost anyone who smiles at you, and lately you've been cooing at me and attempt this thing called conversation. You are very social for someone so small. Thanks for sleeping so well lately. I've really needed it. And thanks for getting over that phase of hating diaper changes. Now you laugh and happily kick when I take off your diaper. And bath time is a favorite as well. You almost kicked out of my hands last time. Don't swim away! I especially love it when you smile and "laugh" at Oliver. I can tell he loves it when you do. He always wants to stroke your hair and cheeks and is constantly proclaiming his love for you. Today he said, "He's getting bigger and bigger!" I think he's excited to play with you. Sharing is not something he is very good at yet, but he might make an exception for you because you're so fun to be with. I think your eyes are turning brown. They're still a mixture of blue and brown, but they are definitely darker. You look a lot like I did as a baby and I wouldn't mind a bit if you ended up with chestnut hair and eyes. And freckles. :) But we'll hope for non-bowed legs, yeah? Anyway....

We are SO IN LOVE with you, Benjamin. Our family is so full now in a whole new way. I hope we can give you some exciting adventures and prepare you for the person you're meant to be.

Home

I said goodbye to mom and dad on Tuesday. Hard. I smiled when we hugged and cried as I drove off. It felt like a piece of me was leaving. A part of me grieves every time I say goodbye to any of my family.  But when I saw Spokane's skyline I suddenly felt a warm, homey feeling. This is my home and I love it. It might be the first time I've felt like this about Spokane. I used to despise this strange city that crowded me. It was a place where neighbors barely made eye contact and church felt like a big company meeting where my input wasn't really needed. I still have a hard time sometimes. It's easy to feel alone and I often spend entire days inside because I honestly don't know what else to do. I long so much for a simple country life where being alone is an expected and comfortable feeling. But right now I somehow am content where I live and it seems a more friendly place than ever before. Maybe it's the fall weather.

Having my parents here was like having a vacation. It's easy, at least for me, to share a house with them. It almost felt like we were somewhere else in a cabin, eating more food than usual and bumming around. I did hardly any housework (thanks mom!) and mom wanted to hold Benjamin almost every time he cried. It really was a vacation. We watched PBS shows, shopped at thrift stores, ate lots of food and played with the boys. I didn't take enough pictures (sorry). But it was so wonderful and I look forward to their next trip up. We even discussed road tripping and meeting half way sometime.

It's hard being away from my family. But I have slowly been digging my roots into the Northwest, even into this little neighborhood. It's wonderful making your own adventure in a new land. I realized as I drove my parents through town that I knew my way around Spokane really well. I knew shortcuts and scenic routes. I found my way to the historical mansions on the South Hill even though I had only come by them accidentally before. It reminds me of when I left Illinois to go to school in Arkansas and I was sad to leave a place where the roads were so familiar. I like familiar roads and knowing shortcuts to places. It has taken me a long time to get to that place again.



Love you, Dad and Mom. See you again soon.