Mirabelle • Six Months

Gee whiz. This is a high-speed experience, raising children. I'm turning 29 next month, have 3 kids now, and my youngest is 6 months although it feels like I just came home from the hospital last month. Mirabelle is mystically growing like a pan of bread dough rising on the countertop. She's just going with it though and so are we. The world seems to be a natural and altogether good experience for Mirabelle. I'm so thankful for her easy temperament and good health. I'm also thankful that Oliver and Benjamin seem to not feel threatened at all, and daily embrace Mirabelle as an extension and vital component of their life. What I love most about my life right now goes beyond "my family." I love that we are so finely knit together that we are one unit and cannot function very independently from each other. I find it very hard to view them apart from myself to see how a stranger might see them. Each child feels like a limb on my body. Shane feels like my Siamese twin (I understand that "better half" phrase now). Sometimes I wish I could just remove myself for a bit only for that chance to look from the outside and appreciate it as a beautiful piece of art. That's what it really is. God's masterpiece for our life. It's a daily challenge to view my surroundings objectively and always with a thankful heart. I'm just surviving most days and functioning in default mode. It can get pretty chaotic and there isn't much organization to our household, honestly. But thankfully we do have simple routine. We have God as our center for decisions, priorities...life. If we can pinpoint our constants, than the variables are less likely to throw us all off.

By the way, Mirabelle is crawling now. I'm pretty sure the boys didn't crawl until 7 months. She's a go-getter. She's babbling, drooling and eating occasional solid foods. Isn't it amazing that my milk is enough to sustain that ball of dough?! No wonder I'm down to my high school weight (Don't hate. I'm feeble and without muscle other than my right arm that holds a baby on my hip.).

If you haven't already discovered Shane's blog, you will most likely find it a gazillion times more entertaining than mine. He's so creative and gives a glimpse into life as a stay-at-home dad. I'm more of a milestones blogger these days. :) You can follow me on Pinterest or Instagram to see more daily happenings and interests.

Mirabelle • Three months

I love this picture Shane took because her blue eyes stand out. But I couldn't decide which one of these is better...

We're full swing back into our routine except with an extra child on our hands. It's going really well considering. I'm very much enjoying my time at work and at home. Each brings a greater appreciation for the other. Life seems well balanced for the time being. The only things that have held me back this month are a kidney stone (Yeah, it's pretty close to the pain of childbirth…minus the pushing.) and giving up coffee, morning cartoons and eating out for Lent. All those who love me think I'm nuts. Why make things so hard on yourself? It's edifying and revealing though. Just believe me. If anything it's a way of arriving at a place of simplicity and purity while preparing inwardly for Easter.

Shane's helping our friends move out of their house today before they leave for Tanzania for three long years. One thing we can never forget is that life doesn't stop changing and God never stops moving. Let's be thankful.

P.S. Take a look at these amazing faces! These gifts from God.

Mirabelle • Two Months

Mirabelle is gaining some nice rolls, yeah? She's semi-giggling too (about time). Her smiles are soul-enriching, her temperament is peaceful and the one thing she loves almost as much as milk is what you can expect from any girl: being adored. She's happiest when someone is loving on her and talking to her, and yet she never demands it. She kindly seems to understand that there are sometimes other priorities. I don't know how she does it.

This picture was taken on the 10th (exactly 2 months after her birth). But due to an impromptu family road trip to northern California, this post got a bit delayed. We visited Shane's 90-year-old grandmother and aunt for a few days but split the trip up both ways by spending time with his older brother who lives in Bend, Oregon. It was a great way to end maternity leave with a bang. It's hard to describe these last 12 weeks at home in full sentences - too many juxtapositions for my wee mind to express (Know what I mean?!).

But in all, I've realized a lot about the current state of my family and my role in it. It has been difficult to stretch myself between being a passionate wife, passionate mother and full-time flippin' passionate designer for a passionate ministry!  *wipes brow*  It feels like I'm never giving enough to anything. Wouldn't I be much more effective if I poured myself into one thing instead of four or five? But I'm starting to better see how God is orchestrating pieces within each of these areas of life and how they all benefit one another. It's more cohesive than I thought.

Time is good for us. It shows us where we've come from and what a gift today is, which in turns gives motion to what's ahead.

The Birth of Mirabelle

I expected her to be just as punctual as the boys, but I went into labor 3 days after her due date. It felt like 3 weeks. My good friend, Stephanie, flew in from Brooklyn to photograph the birth experience and she missed it by about 14 hours.  It was a lovely time with one of my oldest friends, but somewhat sad that our plans did not happen (She did capture the intimate last days of waiting before the birth, though).

About one hour after Stephanie left our house Shane's sister, Amanda, showed up with the off-chance that baby would arrive the next day (her day off that week). She mentioned that her coworker who is a doula recommended a foot and hand massage that has more often than not induced labor for the women she has worked with. So Amanda gave me the longest foot/hand massage of my life, and a couple hours later I started getting some strong contractions 8 minutes apart. I could tell these weren't just practice contractions, so I suggested we pack the car up and make last minute preparations before heading out to eat. Of all things to eat, I scarfed down a reuben sandwich and sweet potato fries during the early stage of labor. "You're probably going to throw that up, you know," Shane said. Yeah, but I was hungry and it tasted aaaamazing. By the end of dinner I was positive we would have the baby in the next 24 hours. We went home and I tried to stay relaxed and even sleep (didn't happen) while contractions were getting painful and I asked Shane to stay close to me. Movies and TV shows make the husband seem like someone you don't want around when contractions are intense. Women on screen yell and curse their men. That has never been the case for me and it's reassuring when during labor I get a sense of needing him close to lean on - reassuring that he is the best person for me. 

I started to get nervous around 11:00 p.m. because there was an intense pressure and a slight urge to push during contractions (3-5 minutes apart). I really didn't want to spend a lot of time laboring in the hospital though. We waited until around 11:30 and I called my friend/doula/superhero, Ruth, to tell her we were leaving for the hospital. We pulled into the parking lot at the same time and the three of us walked slowly to the door stopping for a couple contractions. It seemed like my senses were especially heightened during this time and I remember reading about women feeling that same way during labor, but this is the first time for me to take note of that. I remember the air felt like winter for the first time this year. A kind nurse wheeled me up to the maternity ward and he tried to be very careful over the bumps between doorways, but I remember the bumps really hurting during the contractions. It seemed like a long, quiet, strange ride up to the room.

My room was small and dimly lit. I met my wonderful nurse, Coza. She was very humorous, straightforward and very understanding of our desires for an unmedicated birth. I was dilated to 6 cm and 70% effaced upon arrival. The next four hours are a blur of trying different positions to stay comfortable, leaning on Shane, Ruth pressing in on the sides of my hips to ease the pain of each contraction, taking sips of water and chewing ice chips - whatever it took to get through the pain and stay focused for the upcoming stage of pushing. I don't really remember transitioning to the last stage of labor. It happened very quickly. And I'll have you know that I never threw up that reuben sandwich and fries! When I was ready to start pushing, the doctor asked if I wanted my water broken. I've never experienced my water breaking on its own. A doctor has always done it for me right before or slightly after I started pushing. As I was contemplating this decision the doctor said, "We can wait and see how labor progresses, or we can break your water and you can have that baby in a minute." Hmmm, let's have that baby. I think he was a little optimistic though. And he had no idea our little girl was going to come out sunny-side up instead of face down like most babies. This made pushing very difficult. I remember feeling so defeated after each push because it felt like every time I finished a push, she would retreat back up the birth canal a little making the process very slow. I might have pushed for about 45 minutes. Shane sat behind me on the bed so I could still lean against him. She finally came out with the most perfectly round head ever seen. No wonder it was so difficult and painful! Shane says she just wanted to live up to her name which means "wondrous beauty." I was surprised by all of her dark hair. I can still remember the feeling of holding my newborn baby on my chest, skin-to-skin. It's one of the few moments that truly stands out from each of my births, crisp and clear.

Mirabelle Jane Morgan arrived at 3:43 a.m. on November 10, 2012 weighing 7 lbs. 6 oz. and was 19 inches long.

It was such a relief to finally be at the end. I had a lot of blood loss and needed 2 bags of Pitocin through an IV to encourage the uterus to contract so I wouldn't lose more. But the hardest part was over. I couldn't wait for her brothers to arrive and meet the baby sister we've been talking about for months.

They came in around 8:30 that morning, I think. Oliver was very happy. Benjamin seemed a little nervous, but I remember him letting out a giggle and saying, "It's funny," then finally getting the nerve to kiss her head.

I'd love to give an update on what life is like with 3 kids. It took me so long to get around to typing this out, so who knows when I'll connect online again. I spend most of my days nursing, playing with the boys and holding a newborn. We have had wonderful help from friends and family. I feel surrounded by hands of people ready to help and love us.

I go back to work full time at the end of this month. I didn't think I'd say it, but I'm looking forward to it. It's what God has chosen for me at this time in life and I'm starting to see why I'm suited for it and Shane for being at home with the kids. Some days it's hard to realize, but if I want to be present and move forward I must choose to be thankful. Either that or be run over with by emotions. I'll take the former. :) I'm opening my eyes to what I have right now and what God is doing. If there is one phrase I'm taking with me this year it is "Pay Attention." I must.

Mirabelle • One Month

A month can pass with hardly any notice. Hours and days blur together, and it's not due to lack of sleep, although I'm still utterly exhausted most days. Mirabelle sleeps almost through the night (Hallelujah).  I'm re-learning how to be a stay-at-home mom. It's silly to even say, but...it is HARD. And moms around the world knowingly nod their heads with me. I nonetheless feel completely blessed and complete. What a difference she has made in our lives. What delight and wonder her blue eyes hold and share.

And I finally posted a video.

Birth story to be shared next!

Vitamins & Sleep

If you are feeling depressed and you can't pinpoint why, consider the possibility that you just need to take some vitamins. Also consider what basic needs are not being met...such as sleep. It's amazing what these two factors contribute to our mindset and overall disposition. This has been an important lesson for me with all the changes my body goes through - growing babies, nursing babies, not nursing anymore, growing another baby, and so on (hormonal changes aren't limited to puberty and menopause?!). So  when I started wallowing in self pity last night when I couldn't think of a good username for a Pinterest account, I said to myself, "Jess…you didn't take your prenatal vitamin today and past experience tells me that when you miss a day on those vitamins you are not yourself. Besides, evenings are always hard for you mentally as it is. You just need to take your vitamins and get some sleep."

The whole evening I felt pretty down and out but decided not to drag my husband into it with some lengthy, tear-filled discussion on my identity and what is it really that makes me any different or unique to anyone else in this world and why do I feel so boring??

Hallelujah, morning came. Despite a rough start to the morning (spilled cereal and poopy pants...not mine), I managed to make it to work feeling like my normal self. In fact within an hour at the office I was feeling pretty optimistic and energetic. I'm so thankful I have this awareness of my mental/emotional limitations when my physical needs are not met. This will take me far…and my marriage as well, I'm sure. The awareness doesn't make you suddenly able to shrug things off. It's just helpful in maintaining self control. Rationalizing never makes the emotions go away. But it helps you look at them more objectively and find solid ways to manage them.

There's my advice to any woman going through hormonal changes (does it ever end?). Take some vitamins and sleep. Eating healthy and exercising is probably important too. But I can't do everything all the time, sheesh.

By the way….23 days 'til baby girl's due date. :)

Flex

Flex, a photo by jezzi_noom on Flickr.

A serious favorite this year. There just isn't a good enough caption.