Batik

Shane made a beautiful frame for a batik we bought while in Indonesia. One of my favorite days was when we spent time in the market shopping for souvenirs to take home. I especially loved the little shops/homes with batiks and other artwork for sale on the walls. The styles are so different than what I'm used to. Shane is letting me hang this batik (we bought 3 altogether) in my office just to brighten the atmosphere and stimulate those of us in "the creative suite". I also keep the small canvas bag that held my favorite coffee from the Losari plantation to remind me of my adventures in a foreign land.

Skating for Vancouver

We got free tickets to US Figure Skating Championships here in Spokane. This competition determins who will be placed on the US team for the Olympics in Vancouver. Novice Dance Finals was the event we went to. Pretty impressive and very creative. When I called to tell my mother she said she read in my late Grandma Olive Gregory’s journal that she LOVED figure skating and used to do it when she was younger. I never knew that! I wish I could have told her about our experience.

Here are photos from the event.

Photo numbers 3-6 were my favorite performances. Photos 1 & 2 won the competition. I wish I could have seen Sasha Cohen perform. She’s a name I actually recognize from the days I used to watch skating on television.

It was something I've never experienced live before and may never again. Makes me want to start dancing again. Not sure my 25-year-old joints could handle it anymore. Sad how 25 is old if you haven't danced in 4-5 years and want to start again. Doesn't seem right.

Love > Happiness

I hate feeling low or sad or unmotivated. Waves of these feelings occasionally come over me and I often cannot figure out why or where they came from. It seems so out of nowhere and I think to myself, “I have no reason whatsoever to feel like this.” It used to really bother me that this would happen because I can’t pinpoint a cause or prevent it from happening. Then thoughts of  “am I depressed? do I need help? what’s wrong with me?” annoy the heck out of me and only make it worse. Well, I just had another one of those moments and then I miraculously had a thought that was really helpful to the moment and will be in the future if I don’t forget it.

“So what if you don’t feel on top of the world right now. That’s more than okay. In fact, it’s healthy.”

Oh…well, thanks. I can move on now. That was easy.

I like my feelings. Even the ones that aren’t enjoyable. They are true to life and are a part of what keeps me sane actually. And even if society and the media make us think life is about being happy…it’s not. In fact that is a huge lie that I wish I could erase from this earth. Life is not about happiness. Life is bigger than that, and this past year I have had a chance to really see what is more than happiness. Love. Sacrifice. Jesus even said “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” The greatest man to walk the earth did not live for happiness. That’s awesome. And the reason we receive so much joy from putting the lives of others before our own is because it’s right. Because it is more important and critical than happiness itself. So I’m putting happiness on a shelf and letting it happen when it happens. I’m not going to reach for it. It exists and sometimes it doesn’t. I have more important and meaningful things to pour myself into. Happy  Best New Year.

Snippets of Christmas

Here are a few unique elements from our Christmas day. (Click here to see the rest of the photos)

.steph

I'm on break at work and just checked my friend's blog to see what's up with her life. She keeps a mostly-photos blog with unique shots of her New York experiences (plus some). Unfortunately the last time I've seen a photo on her blog was over a month ago! So, I am posting two photos I took of my lovely friend the eve of my wedding day to encourage her to post more updates, and to let her know that her online presence is missed.

Come back, Stephanie.

My Release

All it takes sometimes is a good song to change my whole disposition or attitude. Especially lately when I drive to or from work and I just need to release the load of the day or clear my mind. It would be even better if I could full-out dance on the way home, but I typically keep those moves in my head. The car is my transition from one world to another and I've really been making an effort to not mix the two. My home is my haven of rest and if I don't have that then I won't function right. Here are a few songs that lately really help on that drive.


Fireflies by Owl City

Say it Right by Nelly Furtado

Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield

Love Song for a Savior (the new remix) by Jars of Clay

The Real Mary

A friend of mine is performing in "It's a Wonderful Life" this week as the character of Mary Bailey. I told her that I got to play that part once and that wish I could do it again, but do it better. She has been struggling recently with the character and asked what I would do differently if I had the chance, so I sent her an email in case it might be helpful in any way. I had no idea that when I read over my email again it would sound like I was writing about myself and not Mary. The character of Mary is someone I can really relate to and even learn from today. I love that I wrote this objectively for a friend, but now find personal significance in what I said about the character. First, let me share with you the email:

"I think if I could play the part of Mary again, I would add more humor and boldness to her line delivery and whole persona. I played her too sweet and timid, when really I think she's rather forward and obvious about what she wants. She is proactive and confident without overstepping her role or place as the lady (both in her relationships and in her community). I played Mary before I was a wife and mother. And now I know what it's like to step up and take responsibility in life (especially when others around you are timid and unsure). I think I can relate to her a lot more now and would give her more spunk and energy to the point where she might fight a little more for the spotlight, so to speak. Not because she is needy, but because she is aware and ready for it. She is a much-needed character of stability in this play because George is the one fighting the personal battle.

Alternate-reality Mary is not so complicated in my opinion. You don't have to know much about her because she is supposed to be a stranger. Mysterious, dead to George and the audience. That's what makes that part so sad. I would not be afraid to be disconnected from her because I think that's what she is with herself. Pretty depressed, dull and lacking purpose. She's just the opposite of what the real Mary is.

Hope this helps you. It was fun to reflect a little on that character! I wish you all the best on your performance. You are a wonderful Mary, I'm sure. The more I think about her the more you seem to suit her rather well.

God bless you!
Jessica"

Whoa. First of all, I find myself daily trying to make up for the "weaknesses" in others or do what others are not in order to keep life moving as I think it should. Most of the time I am annoyed at either myself for always taking on that role or annoyed at others for not being more productive or efficient. Not a way to live! But now, looking at Mary, I see how this personality of mine can be very good for the people in my life when it is not an issue of control but rather of love and serving where it is needed. That confidence and forwardness has been very beneficial and is doing a lot of good in all areas of my life and I should not learn to dislike myself because of it (although it shows up in unhealthy ways at times). I also see that the battles others are facing can be very crucial to their walk of life, the lessons they learn and their personal growth.

The other eye-opening part of this reflection is the alternate-reality Mary. I have found myself resorting to daydreaming at the end of the day and also when I am particular depressed or exhausted. It seems like a safe and easy place to go when the world is hard to deal with. I can be whoever I want in my head and accomplish or say whatever I want. But who I imagine and who it would feel good to be sometimes is not who I am or necessarily should be. I think I started to realize this about myself when I wrote: "She's just the opposite of what the real Mary is." Then I read that whole paragraph again as if it were about me and it scared me. I have a very important responsibility and purpose in my real life. That makes the daydreaming life rather unappealing to me now. I love the real Mary. She is a wonderful person who in the end changes the whole story around. Because of her, George and the community are saved. And what's best is that everyone comes together in the end for someone other than his or herself. It's what I want in my life. That ending never ceases to bring me to tears. Sacrifice. Community. Love. That's what is needed most.


The only three good snapshots I could find from the play: