Sunday, May 16, 2010

How do I live?

Today I can't stop the tears.

I had an emotional dream and wrote it down in my prayer journal even though it wasn't a prayer. Maybe later I'll share it. I woke up in relief that I was with Shane. That I chose him and he chose me. So much relief that I cried on his shoulder and shared with him the dream. He was relieved as well...mostly that I was crying tears of happiness and not sadness.

But then something else happened. On our way to church someone ran a red light at full speed and missed hitting us by 1 to 2 seconds. They would have t-boned us on the driver's side seriously injuring Shane and Oliver...maybe even killing them. Once again I was flooded with relief. I just cried and thanked God all the way to church and all through the service. Life can end in an instant. But somehow I am still walking this Earth with those I love next to me. How does it make you feel to know that in some cases, our life is completely out of our hands?

Personally, I feel like a piece of glass falling from the sky. Eventually I'll hit the ground. It's everyone's end. But more so, I feel a greater responsibility for what is in my hands. God has given me great gifts. I am thankful, SO THANKFUL. But I am also responsible. My awareness of life and its high value was heightened today. Every second is like pure water to me. How often do I experience life in this way?

Added later:
Just after I wrote this I read my friend's blog and felt like it was so closely related to what I am going through today. Read it here.


Barbara said...

Jess, I think it is interesting that you were given a glimpse -- through your dream and a close call -- of two alternate realities, and your response was one of profound gratitude for the one you've been given. I love that.

Krista said...

I have been amazed at the grace the Lord has given me through this pregnancy. I have had a lot of long days of caring for difficult children and a husband that has been gone a lot these past few months. I am so grateful that I can keep going. I only slept like 5 hours last night and it is catching up to me tonight. Hope you feel renewed and refreshed tomorrow. Your little baby belly is so cute (saw it on facebook). Mine is about the same, maybe a little smaller (this baby doesn't stick out so much like Aidan did). Thanks for the blog comment.