Coffee Cata-List

A list spurred by thankfulness.

1. Mary Beth. For spontaneously buying me a bag of Thomas Hammer coffee beans. Local. Freshly roasted. Deelish. You inspired this blog (hence the awesome title to this post).
2. Northwest weather. I was made for it.
3. Sons that love waking up and are all smiles in the morning. We need that in our family.
4. Friendships that, in their own way, withstand time and distance. Particularly thinking of my high school clan: Stephanie, Lindsay and Norman. Miss you girls.
5. The nearness of fall.
6. √  .....Always satisfying.
7. The huge, awkward grocery cart with the plastic car attached to the front. Oliver's joy makes it worth it. And it's nice passing another parent who sacrificed their dignity for the same cause, I don't feel so ridiculous.
8. Skype. Making it so you don't seem so far way.
9. BBQ sandwich and blackberries to get me through the afternoon. I love the kitchen staff where I work. They're alway surprising us with food when we most need it. One thing this place is good at is hospitality.

There is No Meantime

It’s the 8-month mark for Benjamin! Can you believe it? Life is drastically changing since he has started crawling. We’re finally getting that sense of, “Wow, this is way different than having just one,” that everyone warned us about. Poor Shane has basically given up on house chores. So, don’t be offended if we don’t invite you over for the next 6 months or so. Benjamin is desperately wanting to walk and we’re wondering if he’ll be ready for his first steps in the next couple of months. He pulls himself up with one hand now and tests himself by letting go. But his upper body is just too big for his chubby legs to hold, I think.

Oliver grew a few inches I think. And he learned to hit a baseball (plastic) without the tee this month. We’ve found that he does better when he’s not under pressure. He has terrific natural instincts and is very physically capable…except when everyone is watching him or you ask him to do it. Then he buckles and suddenly can’t perform. Shane says he was/is the same way. It’s wonderful to realize more about yourself by watching your kid. It sure helps you know how to respond and encourage them the right way. I love how humble Oliver is, and if he doesn’t want to perform he doesn’t have to. I don't blame him. I just hope he gains more confidence in himself and realizes he is gifted and has much to offer the world.

I feel like a lot has happened in one month. I started to write in my journal every Saturday to recap the week, because I think there are some important events in life I too soon forget. Every week is so different and it’s neat to see how life progresses in small events.

This week was especially intense. Our friend, Emad, from church is a refugee from Iraq and has lived in the U.S. for a couple years now. He gave a young man a ride home from a 7-Eleven on Monday. When he stopped the car the guy attacked Emad with an iron bar and hit him over the head several times. Emad got out of the car and the guy ran after him hitting him some more until onlookers scared him away. He was able to give a report of the incident but then later lost his memory.  It was strange visiting him in the hospital and he not recognize us. He didn’t even remember his own son who is Oliver’s age. Thankfully the blows did not break his skull and he’s slowly starting to remember some things. Please say a prayer for him. He has been through a lot as it is since coming to the States.

 Our friend, Amy, got hit and run over by a truck at a crosswalk downtown on Tuesday. I believe she is still in the hospital, but amazingly did not have any broken bones or internal bleeding. She is in a lot of pain and her wounds and the trauma will take months to heal. She has come so far in recovery in the past few days. Everyone is amazed by her strength and heart through all of this.

The strange thing is that Emad and Amy are friends. Amy and her husband, Brent, started the non-profit in Spokane that helps refugees called Global Neighborhood. It’s so strange to have two friends go through completely different traumatic events in two days time.

(Brent and Emad)

My problems seem so small that’s it’s ridiculous to even mention that I’m burnt out from work and freelancing and being a mom and wife. I am completely exhausted. I really want to help Shane clean the house this weekend...but not really. Today we’re going to check out this house we’re interested in that’s about 40 minutes away (are we crazy?). Then we might do more thrift store shopping (I wish Global Neighborhood Thrift was open!). Then we have a house-warming party this afternoon for some friends. I think we’re skipping church tomorrow to have a day of no activity and rest. We considered a trip to Shane’s home for his dad’s birthday, but that would probably just exhaust us more.

I wish I had more time to blog because there are some fun things I’d like to share and wish I could write more than just updates like this. But life is intense these days and I don’t feel like sharing frivolous things when life isn’t frivolous. It’s amazing and changing and hard.

My name is Wealthy.

I'm wide awake at 3:45 a.m. with thoughts and realizations I want to share. It seems that sleep will not be granted unless I get out at least some of what is overflowing in my mind. As strange as this sounds, the one thing I keep seeing in my mind is my name, Jessica, and it's meaning: wealthy. Except when I see that word is seems big to me. Like WEALTHY.

I believe names hold weight, which is probably why choosing a name for our new son is so difficult. We don't think lightly of the very first gift we give him. Instead we think of how it will affect the way he sees himself and even all the ways he may unknowingly grow into that name. Biblically, names seem to hold great significance, and God has been known to even give new names to those who have been changed or have accepted a new role or calling in their walk of life (Saul to Paul or Jacob to Israel, for example).

Just in the last couple of weeks, I have unmistakably experienced what it feels like to really be Jessica. I feel like God is my teacher and he is pointing quite clearly to the writing on the chalkboard, and my eyes have finally focused on what was just a blur a couple weeks ago: WEALTHY. I believe it now.

I wonder how long I have sat in what seemed like justifiable discontentment. Months? Years, probably. It almost scares me to reflect on that. If I dare look back on my life I see discontentment in friendships, in churches, in my geographic location, in my possessions. Discontentment is unfortunate. It's the opposite of wealthy, really.

To bring all this contemplation to physical form, let me explain the events that led up to this realization.

Almost this entire pregnancy we have been looking to buy our first home. This 2 bedroom rental home is getting smaller as my belly gets bigger. We looked at DOZENS of homes and made a couple offers, and the one question people always asked us was "how is the house hunt going?" because everyone knew that a new home was our intention and hope for the near future. It has been draining and disappointing despite how great the market apparently is for buying. Shane was spending hours searching for homes partly because he looks forward to owning and fixing up his own home, but also because his wife was VERY ready to get out of this tiny house. We recently decided to let go of this goal since baby will be arriving shortly, but mostly because I realized how exhausted I was from trying so hard to change our circumstance. But it wasn't just a goal I let go of, but the future in general.

One evening as I was in tears from exhaustion I realized that there was no more of myself to give toward planning and hoping for a certain future, and I was sacrificing my present time with Oliver and Shane. I kept telling myself that he needed a bigger yard and more outdoor space to enjoy life, but he was begging to enjoy life with me NOW. He was dragging me to his room to play with toys and sit down for a book or movie as soon as I was in the front door. He was clinging to me at bedtime so we could savor a few moments together before sleep. When I realized this (and thank God I did), I started to make myself more at home. I unpacked all of the baby items I didn't think we had room for. My evenings felt longer and more intimate, and I stopped feeling the constant nagging of productivity. I allowed myself to decorate and organize the neglected corners of our home. And our crammed little rental turned into a cozy home of our own. It was like putting on a pair of new glasses and seeing things how they really are. I saw our hardwood floors and the beautiful collection of refinished furniture my husband has labored on. I saw my raw, country-home-meets-third-world decor touching every room. I saw the luxury of two bathrooms and extra cabinet space I forgot I had. I saw our little shaded nook between the house and garage that invites tired feet to the hammock.

I am Wealthy.

This wasn't the end of my realization. God had plans to show me quite evidently a different kind of wealth. A few days ago, my friend Ruth threw me a baby shower and only 4 friends were able to attend. They blessed me with money toward breast pumps which I will most definitely need when I return to work full-time after maternity leave. But these girls surprised me with their gift of words. They each spent time encouraging me as a mother and recalling how they have observed me as a mom with Oliver. They had me in tears as they listed my strengths and commented on the beautiful, well-mannered and happy boy we have raised. And to overwhelm me more, they surrounded me on the couch and prayed over this new life with baby and spoke blessings over our family. I felt like my heart did not have room to hold these gifts and I hope I don't lose or forget them.

Yesterday I was thrown a SECOND baby shower by my coworkers. These women have been my mothers, my aunts and my sisters. They are protective, giving, listening, advising, humorous and honest. They care deeply for me in a way I truly need being so far from my family in Illinois. It was a lovely shower with an abundance of gifts and they even gave me a generous sum to help Shane and I purchase cloth diapers. The food was incredible. So good I had a major urge to hug someone every time I took a bite or a drink. Then they spent a few moments speaking blessings and prayers over me and I could barely hold myself together. My heart somehow made room to receive their words and believe they were mine to keep. I went home to my family (including my sister-in-law, Amanda, who is currently rooming with us) and shared how wonderful of a party it was. It was fun to show them the gifts and tell them about the special time we had. And sometime that evening I was trying to express to Amanda these wonderful emotions and she said something about my being "rich with friendship." I can't stop thinking about that. I have never felt so RICH with relationship in my entire life. I don't know when this happened, but sometime in the last three and a half years I accumulated a WEALTH of friends and extended family in the Northwest.

In the midst of all this I think I lost that old friend, discontentment. And it makes me smile.

Appeal to my senses.

One of my favorite subjects for taking pictures is anything in the kitchen. Food, ingredients, table settings, etc. I don't know why, but I get SO inspired every time! It annoys Shane at times because he's ready to eat and I'm saying, "Don't touch it yet! It's so pretty, let me get the camera!"

The ladies I work with had a tea party as a celebration for our hard work on the 2010 Annual Banquet in March. We went to Taste and See which is a non-profit that partners with "local women's shelters to provide temporary employment, to prepare women to re-enter the work force." It's on the main floor of an historical mansion on the South Hill in Spokane which only adds to the atmosphere. I almost felt like I was wearing big long skirts and a colorful hat with white gloves as I walked up the steps. I was so inspired by the details of the house, and the display of finger foods and place settings on the table I could hardly sit down. ...Because I was taking pictures.

Here are some favorites:  (I obviously didn't take the third one. But it's a good shot of everyone having a good time and of the whole table.) To see others not posted go here.

.steph

I'm on break at work and just checked my friend's blog to see what's up with her life. She keeps a mostly-photos blog with unique shots of her New York experiences (plus some). Unfortunately the last time I've seen a photo on her blog was over a month ago! So, I am posting two photos I took of my lovely friend the eve of my wedding day to encourage her to post more updates, and to let her know that her online presence is missed.

Come back, Stephanie.

Behold Ruth.

I want to dedicate this blog to my very good friend, Ruth. I could say a lot about this gal...but I'll stick to the main reason for posting this. I just finished editing some pregnancy photos I took of her recently and so I've been staring at her face for hours it seems. And I'm not tired of it! I gotta say, 8 out of 10 photos turned out great because she is so dang beautiful. I don't know if it's the glow of new motherhood or that gorgeous red hair. I hardly had to do a thing in Photoshop to improve these. In fact I decided to play it up a little and be more extreme with the colors and lighting. Otherwise I would have been bored trying to find ways to make these shots look better.

The crazy thing is that my camera is nothing spectacular (although I love it like a pet). It's an Olympus SP-550 UZ and it takes two seconds for the poor thing to focus and snap the shot. But since I am a slow, patient photographer as it is, I don't always mind this (unless I'm trying to take pictures of an almost-2-year-old in low lighting...).

Okay, I'm done with the technicalities. I want to show you some Ruth.

To see more photos and other versions of these go here.

I had more fun that day than I've had in awhile. I loved spending the entire day with Layne and Ruth. Their home is so comfortable and relaxing and we always enjoy just being around them. Since Shane and I are still sort of new to Spokane and not very extroverted, we don't have many friends in the area. But Layne and Ruth are by far our closest friends here. Because of them we had a place to stay before we found a home in Spokane. We found a great church to call home and made even more friends. We don't feel so alone in a "big city" full of strangers and acquaintances. We've cried together, rolled in laughter together and sat in content boredom together. It's a forever kind of friendship I'd say.

To top this great Saturday off, they invited us to stay for a dinner they were making for a Bhutanese family. Layne and Ruth volunteer for Global Neighborhood which is a non-profit that helps refugee families settle safely and comfortably in Spokane. There are a lot of refugees in the area from Bhutan, and this family in particular spent 15 years in Nepal in a refugee camp. We had such a great time getting to know them. Their kids were great entertainment for Oliver (or vice versa) and the food was so good I had big seconds (thanks Ruth!). Shane and I long to immerse ourselves in other cultures. The only way I have experienced this is with people who have immigrated from other countries. But Shane has been overseas several times and is formally educated on relating/understanding other cultures. I love to see him so in his element and long to enjoy more of the world with him. The good news is that in less than two weeks we will be traveling to Indonesia to visit Amanda, Shane's sister! My first trip overseas. I am so, so excited and can't wait to take pictures of that colorful culture!

Well, I got sidetracked a little. But I just want to say one last thing. Ruth, thank you for welcoming Shane, Oliver and I into your life. You are a treasure on this earth to more than just us. I cannot wait for your little boy to finally make an appearance. I want to cuddle with him like you did with Oliver in our cozy little cabin in Idaho. So many memories ahead!

Okay, one more!